It decided to rain most of the day today so I didn't get much Environmental Reconditioning done unless you count sitting in a hot car when it's nearly a hundred degrees outside before the downpour.
And calorie counting is not properly done on a iPad but none of this is good information for the future especially if our future is to lead to being munched upon by walking virus bombs.
I did have time to think a bit today about preservatives in food. I have a good graphic novel of the zombie type that focuses its zombification on preservatives. And it has made me want to learn more about planting and canning fresh foods. My guts feel a million times better since switching to a raw foods diet.
I won't bore you all to much because I am tired however, I have lost five pounds in a week and I am feeling already so much better. So now I am setting a new goal.
In 4 weeks I will have conditioned myself to start the very bottom rung of real cardio training. I am in no shape to run right now, but I know that if I start power walking and get my endurance up a bit that I will be capable of light jogging.
Four weeks.
I had to clean the house before I went to bed last night which left no time for blogging. But don't you go thinking that I have gotten lazy on you! I haven't.
I was to tired to type about the goings on, on day four. I went for a walk with my very large and very old dog, Pookah.
I planned to walk around the park twice, and then back home which should have equaled about a mile, but when we walked the four some blocks to the park's track Pookah was dragging. I thought this a little funny considering that I figured I would be the one dragging and I wasn't. We made it one lap around the track and Pookah started walking much slower than me. So I had to take him home. By the time we got there I was certain the old fart was going to keel over.
As it turns out, that probably isn't far from the truth. When I unclipped his leash he did not move, just laid down where he stood and panted for a while. I got pretty concerned thinking that my want for exercising had killed my ancient dog. Poor baby, but lesson has been learned. Pookah cannot be privy to my need to gain up some cardio. I am hoping that if there ever is a pandemic he decides to kick the bucket long before then, because Pookah obviously cannot do cardio, which is sort of depressing in itself. My loveable, giant old dog I think has cardiomyopathy. He has all the indicators of it. Coughing while at rest, the grey gums that should be healthy pink. He is not long for this world, and that is okay. Poor baby has had a very hard life, and a very good time with us. At least the end of his life was something pleasant for him.
Anyway, back to other more gory things. I have this terrible problem whenever we move to somewhere new, I have to set up Zombie contingency plans. This place hasn't been so tough to come up with a good one. We're in a house, it has nice strong metal doors, there are very few windows. One window in the front room, two half windows in the kitchen and laundry room. One window in the master bedroom, and one in the secondary bedroom. All good escape routes, and all easily fortifiable. We also have a skylight, which sort of blows, but hey what are you going to do. I do not forsee zombie's adapting the ability to climb unto the roof. (Unless they were World War Z movie zombies)
Still its about time to move along sally, and find a different place to live and I always experience the slightest bit of anxiety when it comes time for that. Either way, I'll have to come up with a new zombie contingency plan. I've made several for every scenario I can come up with, but their legitmacy will depend on how the pandemic happens. One of my pandemic books, the Zombie's are because of the preservative's we put into our food. I can't help but think thats a giant F.U. because when it does hit, the first thing we are going to stock up on food wise is canned. If that situation hits, we are simply and utterly royally screwed.
Anyway, first weigh in. Five days and three legitimate pounds. I am obviously doing something right. Last night we went swimming which will be something I will miss when the pandemic hits. You just can't go swimming in places you can't to the bottom, and people won't be around to take care of their pools.
I was to tired to type about the goings on, on day four. I went for a walk with my very large and very old dog, Pookah.
I planned to walk around the park twice, and then back home which should have equaled about a mile, but when we walked the four some blocks to the park's track Pookah was dragging. I thought this a little funny considering that I figured I would be the one dragging and I wasn't. We made it one lap around the track and Pookah started walking much slower than me. So I had to take him home. By the time we got there I was certain the old fart was going to keel over.
As it turns out, that probably isn't far from the truth. When I unclipped his leash he did not move, just laid down where he stood and panted for a while. I got pretty concerned thinking that my want for exercising had killed my ancient dog. Poor baby, but lesson has been learned. Pookah cannot be privy to my need to gain up some cardio. I am hoping that if there ever is a pandemic he decides to kick the bucket long before then, because Pookah obviously cannot do cardio, which is sort of depressing in itself. My loveable, giant old dog I think has cardiomyopathy. He has all the indicators of it. Coughing while at rest, the grey gums that should be healthy pink. He is not long for this world, and that is okay. Poor baby has had a very hard life, and a very good time with us. At least the end of his life was something pleasant for him.
Anyway, back to other more gory things. I have this terrible problem whenever we move to somewhere new, I have to set up Zombie contingency plans. This place hasn't been so tough to come up with a good one. We're in a house, it has nice strong metal doors, there are very few windows. One window in the front room, two half windows in the kitchen and laundry room. One window in the master bedroom, and one in the secondary bedroom. All good escape routes, and all easily fortifiable. We also have a skylight, which sort of blows, but hey what are you going to do. I do not forsee zombie's adapting the ability to climb unto the roof. (Unless they were World War Z movie zombies)
Still its about time to move along sally, and find a different place to live and I always experience the slightest bit of anxiety when it comes time for that. Either way, I'll have to come up with a new zombie contingency plan. I've made several for every scenario I can come up with, but their legitmacy will depend on how the pandemic happens. One of my pandemic books, the Zombie's are because of the preservative's we put into our food. I can't help but think thats a giant F.U. because when it does hit, the first thing we are going to stock up on food wise is canned. If that situation hits, we are simply and utterly royally screwed.
Anyway, first weigh in. Five days and three legitimate pounds. I am obviously doing something right. Last night we went swimming which will be something I will miss when the pandemic hits. You just can't go swimming in places you can't to the bottom, and people won't be around to take care of their pools.
It was business as usual today, working for the man. Counting all the calories.
I have a terribly hard time eating 1800 cals just so you know, I never get all the way there I always just taper off somewhere around 16.
I am so tired, but I'll update with this. Environmental Reconditioning today was an utter success. Plenty of activity, but my fat flat feet hurt so so bad from walking. I should see about getting some new orthotics.
So tired, could sleep like the dead. ;)
Day three was a complete success.
I have a terribly hard time eating 1800 cals just so you know, I never get all the way there I always just taper off somewhere around 16.
I am so tired, but I'll update with this. Environmental Reconditioning today was an utter success. Plenty of activity, but my fat flat feet hurt so so bad from walking. I should see about getting some new orthotics.
So tired, could sleep like the dead. ;)
Day three was a complete success.
Let's talk a fad diet right now. Because earlier today I had an epiphany about one of the current fads out right now.
That fad? Detox Water. Detox water is a water with a combination of fruits and vegetables suspended into it and infused with some fresh herbs. Ginger, mint, I've seen rosemary. Even spices, like Cinnamon and all of that. I saw the water before and thought the people simply drinking detox water were absolutely insane, but they had it completely wrong. They were only drinking the water, not eating too. Therefore, they failed. Unless they were Beyonce, that is.
So I was thinking about Detox water today, and then the epiphany hit. When the Pandemic comes, when survivors are past the critical stages and are able to gather fresh produce, this type of water mix is going to be terribly beneficial. Mind you, that in a perfect scenario the Zombies are easily taken out and aren't all congregating in areas of supreme survivor interest.
Example you ask? Alright fine. In a perfect survivor scenario zombies will be people dying in their homes and will be to stupid to find a way to get out. There they will dessicate and decay eventually becoming just bones. In a perfect scenario survivors will be able to take them out in small doses because of people dying in their homes, and won't have to worry about the severe congregation.
Well guess what? This has never been a perfect world, and thus this perfect scenario is crap. Why do you ask? Because, I have watched people venture out into the world extremely sick either for want or neccesity. When ill, we go to the grocery store. When ill, we go to church. When ill, we do stupid things other than stay in bed where we belong and get better. Those of us who do not have common sense will venture to the market despite quarantine precautions. Or work. The world will attempt to continue revolving while we are all dying of the zombie plague. The hospital and the refugee centers will be the worst places to be, but so will highways and public transportation stations. Looting will happen despite the fact we will be dying slowly, and the faithful will go to church and pray to be raptured. We will die en masse, together clinging to strangers and hoping that we are spared when we get to heaven. And then, after our final breath is taken, we will cling to those strangers in a ravishing hunger and bite off the closest piece of flesh we can get our mouth's around.
Not everyone believes a plague as this is possible and not everyone watches zombie movies to prepare themselves. Most of us succumbing to the plague will infect those around us by their willing interaction with us. The world will succumb to the biggest attack of Darwinism recorded.
Back to Detox Water. At first we will be scared, hopeful for a change, and then grouping together. The power struggles will need to be worked out and addressed first and the first thing the world is going to run out of is canned foods, water, and medical supplies. Eventually, because humanity always finds a way, we will begin to think of ways to better ourselves. In the first few years there will be an outbreak of medieval diseases that died out. Scurvy will be abundant, and you can count your teeth on that one.
So, Detox water recipe's... When one is getting a garden together for fifteen people (because that seems like a feasible group number to start. Tribes form on a number as such, and then blossom and band together. We will eventually start breeding again. But when our groups are still small, while we are blundering through learning to live again, the crops will not be plentiful. How to you feed fifteen people two apples and a tomato? These fruits essential to your own survival to battle scurvy and give you necessary vitamin c? Detox water. But placing the cut fruits or vegetables and herbs into a pitcher of water, and allowing them to steep you are there for creating a liquid conduit for nutrients. You can stretch a pitcher of detox water far more than you could picking who to ration those fruits to, and therefore will inevitably solve a squabble. In the end, everybody wins.
For now they are a tasty, easy way to flavor my damned water since Soda and refined sugars are out of the question.
On the reconditioning front today, though I admit to a burdening amount of felt guilt, I had a rule 32 day. Mom and I went to a local farmers market and bought some gorgeous produce, and afterwards she wanted Golden Corral. So did my son, and JJ, so Golden Corral we went. I feel proud to tell you I didn't load up on Fried Chicken and neon orange cheese sauce. I was still good, I still had a salad and very little actual unhealthy food. It's impossible to count the calories though when you go to a buffet.
So even though now I am a little ashamed, it was worth it. Today I enjoyed the little things, and I did it moderately enough that I can still sleep without feeling like I've just ended my tries. This is survival after all, not physical appearance.
Already though, only after three days of reconditioning I am feeling better physically. More energy, less lethargy. The good news is that when you enjoy the little things they are exactly that, little things. When you keep that mindset about yourself, instead of blowing your whole day chowing down on unhealthy shit and consuming upwards of 5000 calories instead you did it moderately. At one meal, in the company of love and happiness.
Like they say, it's the little things that count anyway.
So today I enjoyed the little things, and I count that a complete success.
That fad? Detox Water. Detox water is a water with a combination of fruits and vegetables suspended into it and infused with some fresh herbs. Ginger, mint, I've seen rosemary. Even spices, like Cinnamon and all of that. I saw the water before and thought the people simply drinking detox water were absolutely insane, but they had it completely wrong. They were only drinking the water, not eating too. Therefore, they failed. Unless they were Beyonce, that is.
So I was thinking about Detox water today, and then the epiphany hit. When the Pandemic comes, when survivors are past the critical stages and are able to gather fresh produce, this type of water mix is going to be terribly beneficial. Mind you, that in a perfect scenario the Zombies are easily taken out and aren't all congregating in areas of supreme survivor interest.
Example you ask? Alright fine. In a perfect survivor scenario zombies will be people dying in their homes and will be to stupid to find a way to get out. There they will dessicate and decay eventually becoming just bones. In a perfect scenario survivors will be able to take them out in small doses because of people dying in their homes, and won't have to worry about the severe congregation.
Well guess what? This has never been a perfect world, and thus this perfect scenario is crap. Why do you ask? Because, I have watched people venture out into the world extremely sick either for want or neccesity. When ill, we go to the grocery store. When ill, we go to church. When ill, we do stupid things other than stay in bed where we belong and get better. Those of us who do not have common sense will venture to the market despite quarantine precautions. Or work. The world will attempt to continue revolving while we are all dying of the zombie plague. The hospital and the refugee centers will be the worst places to be, but so will highways and public transportation stations. Looting will happen despite the fact we will be dying slowly, and the faithful will go to church and pray to be raptured. We will die en masse, together clinging to strangers and hoping that we are spared when we get to heaven. And then, after our final breath is taken, we will cling to those strangers in a ravishing hunger and bite off the closest piece of flesh we can get our mouth's around.
Not everyone believes a plague as this is possible and not everyone watches zombie movies to prepare themselves. Most of us succumbing to the plague will infect those around us by their willing interaction with us. The world will succumb to the biggest attack of Darwinism recorded.
Back to Detox Water. At first we will be scared, hopeful for a change, and then grouping together. The power struggles will need to be worked out and addressed first and the first thing the world is going to run out of is canned foods, water, and medical supplies. Eventually, because humanity always finds a way, we will begin to think of ways to better ourselves. In the first few years there will be an outbreak of medieval diseases that died out. Scurvy will be abundant, and you can count your teeth on that one.
So, Detox water recipe's... When one is getting a garden together for fifteen people (because that seems like a feasible group number to start. Tribes form on a number as such, and then blossom and band together. We will eventually start breeding again. But when our groups are still small, while we are blundering through learning to live again, the crops will not be plentiful. How to you feed fifteen people two apples and a tomato? These fruits essential to your own survival to battle scurvy and give you necessary vitamin c? Detox water. But placing the cut fruits or vegetables and herbs into a pitcher of water, and allowing them to steep you are there for creating a liquid conduit for nutrients. You can stretch a pitcher of detox water far more than you could picking who to ration those fruits to, and therefore will inevitably solve a squabble. In the end, everybody wins.
For now they are a tasty, easy way to flavor my damned water since Soda and refined sugars are out of the question.
On the reconditioning front today, though I admit to a burdening amount of felt guilt, I had a rule 32 day. Mom and I went to a local farmers market and bought some gorgeous produce, and afterwards she wanted Golden Corral. So did my son, and JJ, so Golden Corral we went. I feel proud to tell you I didn't load up on Fried Chicken and neon orange cheese sauce. I was still good, I still had a salad and very little actual unhealthy food. It's impossible to count the calories though when you go to a buffet.
So even though now I am a little ashamed, it was worth it. Today I enjoyed the little things, and I did it moderately enough that I can still sleep without feeling like I've just ended my tries. This is survival after all, not physical appearance.
Already though, only after three days of reconditioning I am feeling better physically. More energy, less lethargy. The good news is that when you enjoy the little things they are exactly that, little things. When you keep that mindset about yourself, instead of blowing your whole day chowing down on unhealthy shit and consuming upwards of 5000 calories instead you did it moderately. At one meal, in the company of love and happiness.
Like they say, it's the little things that count anyway.
So today I enjoyed the little things, and I count that a complete success.
I am blogging late because I was sitting on the couch watching TWD again for the billionth time. I should learn to do this earlier but I find its better to complete my day at the very end as opposed to while I am up and about. Helps me keep track of my snacking.
Thinking about an incoming Pandemic while at work today after a fairly large scare, I decided that everyone should be growing small victory gardens. Even if you die in the zombie apocalyspe you are doing your neighbor a favor by having a fresh perennial vegetable or fruit growing for them to harvest to ward of starvation. Next year for sure, even though I am known to have the world's blackest thumb, I am going to plant a victory garden. You should too, get on it.
Think about the money you are going to save yourself. Need a tomato? Go out and pick it. Need some lettuce, no more runs to the store where the lettuce isn't all that clean. Grow your own. It will help with the allergies too so I have heard. Like local honey will.
I am terribly tired and my arms are sore so I won't make this ungodly long today. Some stupid person at work got canned for being dumb and decided to send an email out to the entire floor with the same title as her resignation email. Scared the crap out of all of us, we thought we were being canned. My manager kept asking me if I was alright and I told him that these negative email's are the same as her leaving wearing a chicken suit. Smoke and mirrors. But it is reasons like these that I am such an introvert to begin with. Why would you mess with someone's livelihood? A job is needed to keep children clothed and fed. Why mess with that? Misery loves company, so I have heard.
On the nutrition from I ended the day at 1600+ calories. And on the activity front I did okay. Didn't walk, I needed to do the laundry. But I did get 60 wood chops in, and 30 squats. Fifty squats tomorrow, and my butt isn't pleased with the idea. Becoming less sedentary hurts.
However, day two of reconditioning was a moderate success.
Thinking about an incoming Pandemic while at work today after a fairly large scare, I decided that everyone should be growing small victory gardens. Even if you die in the zombie apocalyspe you are doing your neighbor a favor by having a fresh perennial vegetable or fruit growing for them to harvest to ward of starvation. Next year for sure, even though I am known to have the world's blackest thumb, I am going to plant a victory garden. You should too, get on it.
Think about the money you are going to save yourself. Need a tomato? Go out and pick it. Need some lettuce, no more runs to the store where the lettuce isn't all that clean. Grow your own. It will help with the allergies too so I have heard. Like local honey will.
I am terribly tired and my arms are sore so I won't make this ungodly long today. Some stupid person at work got canned for being dumb and decided to send an email out to the entire floor with the same title as her resignation email. Scared the crap out of all of us, we thought we were being canned. My manager kept asking me if I was alright and I told him that these negative email's are the same as her leaving wearing a chicken suit. Smoke and mirrors. But it is reasons like these that I am such an introvert to begin with. Why would you mess with someone's livelihood? A job is needed to keep children clothed and fed. Why mess with that? Misery loves company, so I have heard.
On the nutrition from I ended the day at 1600+ calories. And on the activity front I did okay. Didn't walk, I needed to do the laundry. But I did get 60 wood chops in, and 30 squats. Fifty squats tomorrow, and my butt isn't pleased with the idea. Becoming less sedentary hurts.
However, day two of reconditioning was a moderate success.
Nutrition wise I did not do to bad. I finished out the day with exactly 1400 counted calories. The reason I wasn't able to make it to 1800 was because I slept in and forgot breakfast. To make up for breakfast and an all veggie lunch I had a slim jim.
Eating the slim jim it became fairly certain that if there was a zombie pandemic these would make a long lasting source of protein and fat for the survivors left behind. I can just imagine the sorts of dishes that will involve diced up slim jims. (And shudder to think of their taste.)
We went out today just to do a bit of shopping and I realized something very serious and important. Number one, I have a skin condition. I have since I was 14 and there's not a damned thing in this world anyone is going to do to change. Two, because of said skin condition I've become something of an introvert. Avoiding the sun at all costs and staying indoors often. Not to say, however, that being an introvert when the apocalypse comes is going to be a terribly bad thing. I mean, really... Think about it? The less people you have around you the less of a chance you are going to have of being eaten and devoured.
Being somewhat of an introvert is bad for one thing, though.... And that's a lack of environmental conditioning. Being indoors all the time simply because I want to be is going to lead to fatigue in the outdoors and being slightly incapacitated to one's environment when attempting to survive without power, running water, and the everyday electronic convenience.
So, with that said, it's time to start planning more trips outdoors. This is okay because I have to start walking. (And being without a treadmill means that I have to start doing that somewhere.... And what better than the great outdoors?) It's August in Florida, and that means it's miserable. But without power, and air conditioning, it's just going to be miserable. The world isn't going to turn the light's back on because I think it's hot outside.
I also found some interesting excercises. I've decided to do some exercises according to what we would be doing day to day out in an apocalyptic setting... One with the undead kind shambling about. Even though I am fully aware that this will not prepare me for the feeling, one thing in particular I am going to start doing tomorrow is Diagonal Wood Chops. I'll post a video below, however bear in mind that I only have three pound weights to start with, and they are not on a cable. It's still going to be a good start with strengthening the upper body in preparation for blunt force attacks, and wood chopping should it need be done.
You may ask yourself why I am choosing to pick things that seem so simple and not things that a trainer would recommend I do to lose weight. What I say to you is that when the world ends there's not going to be a personal trainer. Back when civilization was new they didn't have personal trainers and people who focused on how to lose weight. They washed, gathered water, chopped wood, and then later lugged laundry, plowed fields. Physical Fitness is not always in the eyes of those who think they can improve your performance by taking your money and making you do things. I'll get through this by sheer will and determination.
So, Tomorrow there will be a one hour walk in which I call Environmental Conditioning.
And then Wood Chops. We'll see how many my fat muscles will allow of me.
And then, lastly, the 30 day squat challenge. I picked this because I have bad feet and squatting to hide from hostile survivors and hordes of walkers seems like something we will be doing lots of when the Pandemic arrives.
However, we will count today, Day 1 of reconditioning a complete success.
Eating the slim jim it became fairly certain that if there was a zombie pandemic these would make a long lasting source of protein and fat for the survivors left behind. I can just imagine the sorts of dishes that will involve diced up slim jims. (And shudder to think of their taste.)
We went out today just to do a bit of shopping and I realized something very serious and important. Number one, I have a skin condition. I have since I was 14 and there's not a damned thing in this world anyone is going to do to change. Two, because of said skin condition I've become something of an introvert. Avoiding the sun at all costs and staying indoors often. Not to say, however, that being an introvert when the apocalypse comes is going to be a terribly bad thing. I mean, really... Think about it? The less people you have around you the less of a chance you are going to have of being eaten and devoured.
Being somewhat of an introvert is bad for one thing, though.... And that's a lack of environmental conditioning. Being indoors all the time simply because I want to be is going to lead to fatigue in the outdoors and being slightly incapacitated to one's environment when attempting to survive without power, running water, and the everyday electronic convenience.
So, with that said, it's time to start planning more trips outdoors. This is okay because I have to start walking. (And being without a treadmill means that I have to start doing that somewhere.... And what better than the great outdoors?) It's August in Florida, and that means it's miserable. But without power, and air conditioning, it's just going to be miserable. The world isn't going to turn the light's back on because I think it's hot outside.
I also found some interesting excercises. I've decided to do some exercises according to what we would be doing day to day out in an apocalyptic setting... One with the undead kind shambling about. Even though I am fully aware that this will not prepare me for the feeling, one thing in particular I am going to start doing tomorrow is Diagonal Wood Chops. I'll post a video below, however bear in mind that I only have three pound weights to start with, and they are not on a cable. It's still going to be a good start with strengthening the upper body in preparation for blunt force attacks, and wood chopping should it need be done.
You may ask yourself why I am choosing to pick things that seem so simple and not things that a trainer would recommend I do to lose weight. What I say to you is that when the world ends there's not going to be a personal trainer. Back when civilization was new they didn't have personal trainers and people who focused on how to lose weight. They washed, gathered water, chopped wood, and then later lugged laundry, plowed fields. Physical Fitness is not always in the eyes of those who think they can improve your performance by taking your money and making you do things. I'll get through this by sheer will and determination.
So, Tomorrow there will be a one hour walk in which I call Environmental Conditioning.
And then Wood Chops. We'll see how many my fat muscles will allow of me.
And then, lastly, the 30 day squat challenge. I picked this because I have bad feet and squatting to hide from hostile survivors and hordes of walkers seems like something we will be doing lots of when the Pandemic arrives.
However, we will count today, Day 1 of reconditioning a complete success.
Day 0
Okay so, literally I can't go about even pretending this is going to be some epic zombie survival guide or something. If you started reading this and thought that the prose here was going to teach you how to decapitate something with your ordinary bedroom lamp, then you should probably turn away now. I am not going to teach you the trick and tips on how to take out the brain of your neighbor when the undead arrive, to feast on your brains.
This is literally a blog to show my preparedness for the masses of undead hordes that will likely take this nation in under a week, and literally fuck us all. Let me begin by telling you a story.
Once upon a time there was a moderately pretty, fairly large opinionated and ambitious girl who developed a fear of all things dead from watching her first Zombie Movie on rental from some place in the central United States that is closed now. The name of the video store I cannot recall, because it was in the shopping center that held an Ace Hardware on Douglas Road in Montgomery Illinois. It inevitably closed down and became yet another movie rental place that would suffer to the ever Monopolizing Movie Rental Mogul - Blockbuster Video.
The night her life was changed forever, I can't even recall to you her exact age or what exact year it was. Suffice to say that it was several years after the year 1990, and that she was probably thirteen or fourteen. Why should you surmise this? Because of two reasons. The year that Tom Savini did the epic remake of Night of the Living Dead starring Tony Todd and Patricia Tallman was 1990, so this should be the first milestone in how old she might be. The second is that this moderately pretty (average), fairly large opinionated girl's extremely loving and somewhat protective mother didn't allow her to watch movies this caliber of scary. (Seriously, because she didn't allow the Exorcist until said girl turned seventeen and demanded it.)
So, again... Suffice to say the Girl was about thirteen or fourteen. The movie was several years old, and the girl snatched it from the horror section's wire shelf with glee. Loving Mom over there, unsuspecting as she looked at new releases had once said aloud that she -loved- the original Night of the Living Dead. Well this one was in color! How could she say no?! She ran up, presented the movie that was a discounted rental and batted her pretty blue eyes only to hear the word... No.
So she tried using her manners. Please?
Still no.
The Girl promised to clean her room every day for a month with no questions asked or lip.
No.
The Girl promised many things to several no's before feeling dejected. Then she tried an age old tactic. "What if I pay for it? Please, mom?! You liked the original, and that was like a hundred years ago so this one can't be all that bad...." Mom finally decided that this sounded like reasonable logic, and relented. Home they went, popcorn was popped, and the girl lay down on the floor with her bowl and a soda and was engulfed in a land of shambling hordes and shotgun wielding red necks....
Hook. Line. And sinker. She didn't sleep peacefully for a week.
Following the incident life happened. Age surely led to the Girl growing up to be the Woman, and then leading the Woman to become the obsessed, obese, Mother who can't pass up a zombie movie but who also can't sleep after them. She got married, and her husband does not at all share the fascination with walking dead things riddled with virus. Matter of fact, much to her anguish, he detests all things zombie except the occasional video game. Her obsession with zombie's has led to many a late night conversation over what would happen if the zombie's ever did come.
"I'm going to get us all down to the water and steal a yacht!" She said one night when he had agreed to watching something zombie with her. Likely Zombieland, because that was one of her favorites and he didn't mind it that terribly. "Yeah, well..." Said her husband with a sigh. "If they do ever come I am just going to do you a favor. I'm going to not tell you, and then put a bullet between your eyes."
Ouch. Talk about harsh? He has a point though.
The reason this first post is so long is because I believe I have to make my reasoning completely known. Maybe because it sounds stupid and crazy to myself... But maybe also because I've finally had the epiphany, and perhaps solved my own problem. Much as I love my husband, he has a point. Right now, if the zombies broke in I would probably be the largest liability of the bunch and not because I would be screaming my head off. (Though I would likely scream at first. Hello, I am a girl.)
My husband would do right to leave me behind. I'm middle aged and last time I weighed myself I was just over three hundred pounds. My son is six years old, and I can no longer blame it on baby weight that refused to leave. (Though, I know that's on there somewhere too, it's a conspiracy I tell you!) There's a line from Zombieland that haunts me. "The first one's to go were the fatties."
My immune system sucks. If it was something biological in the air I would likely be among the first to succumb because my weight compromises my immune system and directly affect my health. My poor eating habits contribute to this.
I am just like almost everyone, every year I make New Year's resolutions and mine always include weight loss. I sometimes stick to the diet's and the fad's but I ultimately forget rule #32. (Enjoy the little things.) I burn myself out, and realize I've been juicing or smoothie'ing or calorie counting for all the wrong reasons. Mostly its because of poor self body image. (And that is normally because I saw myself in a mirror or a movie with a skinny starlet or whatever.)
So let's get it out and make it real shall we.
I'm 32.
I'm Fat.
I have a terrible immune system.
I'd be one of the first to turn into a walker.
That's depressing. It really is, so I thought about how to make it better this time. How do I turn this more about survival than to keep up with the times? It came to me when I was watching The Walking Dead.
If the government can train their soldier's from a Zombie Pandemic and call it a legitimate training excercise, than I can adapt to the lifestyle and prepare myself for the oncoming hordes.
I'm going to be realisitic about this. I don't have the money for a dietician and personal trainer. I would much rather spend it on acrylic nail supplies or makeup, and when you are penned up in some abandoned warehouse with twelve other survivors you're not going to have a personal trainer or a dietician to make it okay for you. What I am going to do will be at home. I will excercise at home, but I will do it. I will make healthy changes to my life in the name of survival. I will prepare myself with activities to mirror and help me survive situations that may or may not come to pass eventually.
Day 0 - This post is being written late at night, mostly because I just decided to do it now, but also because Day 1 will start tomorrow and that is when I will begin kicking it into high gear. One day to prepare.
One day til it begins.
Okay so, literally I can't go about even pretending this is going to be some epic zombie survival guide or something. If you started reading this and thought that the prose here was going to teach you how to decapitate something with your ordinary bedroom lamp, then you should probably turn away now. I am not going to teach you the trick and tips on how to take out the brain of your neighbor when the undead arrive, to feast on your brains.
This is literally a blog to show my preparedness for the masses of undead hordes that will likely take this nation in under a week, and literally fuck us all. Let me begin by telling you a story.
Once upon a time there was a moderately pretty, fairly large opinionated and ambitious girl who developed a fear of all things dead from watching her first Zombie Movie on rental from some place in the central United States that is closed now. The name of the video store I cannot recall, because it was in the shopping center that held an Ace Hardware on Douglas Road in Montgomery Illinois. It inevitably closed down and became yet another movie rental place that would suffer to the ever Monopolizing Movie Rental Mogul - Blockbuster Video.
The night her life was changed forever, I can't even recall to you her exact age or what exact year it was. Suffice to say that it was several years after the year 1990, and that she was probably thirteen or fourteen. Why should you surmise this? Because of two reasons. The year that Tom Savini did the epic remake of Night of the Living Dead starring Tony Todd and Patricia Tallman was 1990, so this should be the first milestone in how old she might be. The second is that this moderately pretty (average), fairly large opinionated girl's extremely loving and somewhat protective mother didn't allow her to watch movies this caliber of scary. (Seriously, because she didn't allow the Exorcist until said girl turned seventeen and demanded it.)
So, again... Suffice to say the Girl was about thirteen or fourteen. The movie was several years old, and the girl snatched it from the horror section's wire shelf with glee. Loving Mom over there, unsuspecting as she looked at new releases had once said aloud that she -loved- the original Night of the Living Dead. Well this one was in color! How could she say no?! She ran up, presented the movie that was a discounted rental and batted her pretty blue eyes only to hear the word... No.
So she tried using her manners. Please?
Still no.
The Girl promised to clean her room every day for a month with no questions asked or lip.
No.
The Girl promised many things to several no's before feeling dejected. Then she tried an age old tactic. "What if I pay for it? Please, mom?! You liked the original, and that was like a hundred years ago so this one can't be all that bad...." Mom finally decided that this sounded like reasonable logic, and relented. Home they went, popcorn was popped, and the girl lay down on the floor with her bowl and a soda and was engulfed in a land of shambling hordes and shotgun wielding red necks....
Hook. Line. And sinker. She didn't sleep peacefully for a week.
Following the incident life happened. Age surely led to the Girl growing up to be the Woman, and then leading the Woman to become the obsessed, obese, Mother who can't pass up a zombie movie but who also can't sleep after them. She got married, and her husband does not at all share the fascination with walking dead things riddled with virus. Matter of fact, much to her anguish, he detests all things zombie except the occasional video game. Her obsession with zombie's has led to many a late night conversation over what would happen if the zombie's ever did come.
"I'm going to get us all down to the water and steal a yacht!" She said one night when he had agreed to watching something zombie with her. Likely Zombieland, because that was one of her favorites and he didn't mind it that terribly. "Yeah, well..." Said her husband with a sigh. "If they do ever come I am just going to do you a favor. I'm going to not tell you, and then put a bullet between your eyes."
Ouch. Talk about harsh? He has a point though.
The reason this first post is so long is because I believe I have to make my reasoning completely known. Maybe because it sounds stupid and crazy to myself... But maybe also because I've finally had the epiphany, and perhaps solved my own problem. Much as I love my husband, he has a point. Right now, if the zombies broke in I would probably be the largest liability of the bunch and not because I would be screaming my head off. (Though I would likely scream at first. Hello, I am a girl.)
My husband would do right to leave me behind. I'm middle aged and last time I weighed myself I was just over three hundred pounds. My son is six years old, and I can no longer blame it on baby weight that refused to leave. (Though, I know that's on there somewhere too, it's a conspiracy I tell you!) There's a line from Zombieland that haunts me. "The first one's to go were the fatties."
My immune system sucks. If it was something biological in the air I would likely be among the first to succumb because my weight compromises my immune system and directly affect my health. My poor eating habits contribute to this.
I am just like almost everyone, every year I make New Year's resolutions and mine always include weight loss. I sometimes stick to the diet's and the fad's but I ultimately forget rule #32. (Enjoy the little things.) I burn myself out, and realize I've been juicing or smoothie'ing or calorie counting for all the wrong reasons. Mostly its because of poor self body image. (And that is normally because I saw myself in a mirror or a movie with a skinny starlet or whatever.)
So let's get it out and make it real shall we.
I'm 32.
I'm Fat.
I have a terrible immune system.
I'd be one of the first to turn into a walker.
That's depressing. It really is, so I thought about how to make it better this time. How do I turn this more about survival than to keep up with the times? It came to me when I was watching The Walking Dead.
If the government can train their soldier's from a Zombie Pandemic and call it a legitimate training excercise, than I can adapt to the lifestyle and prepare myself for the oncoming hordes.
I'm going to be realisitic about this. I don't have the money for a dietician and personal trainer. I would much rather spend it on acrylic nail supplies or makeup, and when you are penned up in some abandoned warehouse with twelve other survivors you're not going to have a personal trainer or a dietician to make it okay for you. What I am going to do will be at home. I will excercise at home, but I will do it. I will make healthy changes to my life in the name of survival. I will prepare myself with activities to mirror and help me survive situations that may or may not come to pass eventually.
Day 0 - This post is being written late at night, mostly because I just decided to do it now, but also because Day 1 will start tomorrow and that is when I will begin kicking it into high gear. One day to prepare.
One day til it begins.
